Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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