I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
