I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
