Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
