so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
