youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
