So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
