saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
They should really pass out barf bags in church
worst night to have a conscience
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize