I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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