I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
