Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
