We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
