Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
