who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
