I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
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