Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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