She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
