normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
