You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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