we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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