I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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