I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
