I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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