So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
3 2 1 whiskey
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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