Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Even my vagina gasped.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
