Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
