i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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