sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
