i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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