my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
