I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
