Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
