i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize