i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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