then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
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