I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize