Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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