weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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