So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
