You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
