There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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