YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
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