he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
My feet surprised me
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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