Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
