I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
