haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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