I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
