Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
