No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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