I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
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