Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
