he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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