Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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