There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
