remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
