it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
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