Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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