Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
