i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
