just come out here and I will go home with you...
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
