birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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