Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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