they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
