She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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