3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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