i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
You made out with two different species that night
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
