We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
