remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Randomize