is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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