Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
