How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
