Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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