theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
