ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
