we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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